Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
