Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
