I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
