you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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