So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
