Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
