It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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