Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
