Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize