he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
