Whod you bang
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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