You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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