so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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