I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
