Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
