just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize