I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
