now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
