Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just wanna soil my oats bro
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize