you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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