May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
