I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize