Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
