What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
