You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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