alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You were trust falling into bushes
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
