My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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