Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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