I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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