We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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