just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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