Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
pray to the hookup gods
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
