i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
