If i come over, it means nothing
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
