Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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