Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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