you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
