Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
