Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
