I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
