i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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