I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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