I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
