There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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