Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
send nudes
from the living room?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
