Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
