just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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