It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
