i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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