I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
