I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize