He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
