so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Alive.
So much puke
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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