Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What a dumb baby whore.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
