You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
