I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
