also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
