dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
