just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
