Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize