Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
