By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
