I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
