She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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