Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
