Someone shit on the floor
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
