That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
