if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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