It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
