I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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