i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
