it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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