She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
