the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
