I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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