i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
