we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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