guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
