ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
