shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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