took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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