Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
