If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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