I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
