I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
