But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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